I must say in light of recent events- that I can fondly remember but fail to speak of- I have been away for far too long.

It seems this always happens. For a month or so I’ll make an update here and there, I’ll post up a picture or two, and all in all I end up making these once in a blue moon posts.

What has been happening in the world of deb?

Well gee, LOTS!

Quick list because everyone loves lists!

-Cosmetology School-Done! Just waiting for paperwork to clear out!

-New car- CHECK! .. and now to deal with those monthly payments….

-Job? – … currently working on that situation.

Other than those three things, any other changes in life have been minimal,  There were happenings and moments. Etc.

For a while now I’ve been wondering what it is that makes humans so complex. (for lack of a better word at the moment)

I wonder about thoughts and then the actions that follow those thoughts. I wonder why those actions take place rather than others. I wonder uhm.. what makes people tick and why? Uhm.. I dunno, it was this uhm strange revelation I had recently. I couldn’t understand how the brain could trick you into thinking one thing over reality. How manipulating your own self was. How much you can make yourself struggle by your own thought, and your own worry, and your own action.

I think a lot of the time we blame someone else. We in a way tattle tale to relieve that guilt we feel. Sometimes it seems to never go away until you realize that you are the problem.

Then again, there’s also those times when it is totally and utterly not you that is the problem but someone else. It makes me wonder about these relationships you build with people. Even if only for a brief moment. Those connections you have with someone makes an incredible impact in their life.  I feel we often forget. I feel I often forget.

I take those brief or sometimes lengthy moments for granted. I feel that we as a society have forgotten how to connect as human beings. We look out for each other but it seems only the people you know closely or well enough to … spend time/effort/thought on.

Hardly do we recognize that we live in a society where my feelings affect yours + anyone else who happens to be around during that situation.

We remember that it’s easy to be miserable and just plain yucky.

Mostly we FORGET how easy it is to not be. I feel I have forgotten.

You know when you get sort of stuck in a rut? uhm… like this weird pit where all you’re surrounded by are these thoughts, these same few thoughts that never seem to leave. I hate those moments. It’s so hard to find clarity sometimes. I suppose that’s why we have friends and family to support us. But, even so, it feels like this inner battle that only you can conquer. It feels like this uhm.. self realization kinda thing.

It’s weird. Totally weird, even though we live in such close proximity to other beings and even animals or plants (because some of us believe they have feelings too) in the end we are alone. Uhm, sometimes I think it is rather impossible for someone to fully understand what I’m saying  in exactly the same way that I feel. Mostly, your judgement and the thought process is based upon your experience. I believe people face similar situations but never the EXACT SAME ONE.

It’s strange. Yet, we still have the ability to connect.

Through feelings. These uhm… emotions that help us understand each other. It’s totally awesome, and totally confusing at the very same moment.

haha. 🙂 Neat.

It surprises how often I forget how awesome humans are. How incredible our capabilities are and how often we forget that potential.

Potential. FUCK, I love words. 🙂 It makes it so much easier to explain, and yet so complicated. -_-


wow, that felt pretty good. 🙂


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